I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
