drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
