I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize