Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
