I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
