yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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