don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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