nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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