im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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