The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
