Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she peed on how many people?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
