I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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