Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize