It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
