After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
