I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
