I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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