i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
