Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
