she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
