sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i came on her dog
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
