dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
