he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize