I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
