Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize