I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
