i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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