Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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