Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
