HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize