my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize