I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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