I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
