you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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