You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i now understand why vodka
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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