She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
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I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
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Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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