It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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