Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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