wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
