Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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