so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
