if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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