Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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