In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize