Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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