I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
