It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
being pregnant is like rehab
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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