If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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