Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
