The best revenge is premature balding
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize