so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
