nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
