I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
