genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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