My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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