Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
