Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
