they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
