If i come over, it means nothing
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
