I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
