you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
