Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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